Monday, May 31, 2010

Blessed <--> deserved?

just as the title suggests, I wanted to talk about the imbalance in deserving and having been blessed with!

Today, me and my brother, have completed one full year of having taken (being blessed with) Amrit, its 31 May! It is the day when I first realized that I could actually take Amrit, and that, no matter what others might say, I know I never deserved it.... I know that I don't really do everything I am supposed to do as an Amritdhari Sikh, I know that I never did it all perfectly, not even for a day, or for a moment for that matter!

It however is not a day to count my is a day to rejoice the fact that I gathered the courage.....even if I only do devotional stuff, and do NOT feel it all! Even if, I still do not think keeping hair is a great idea in itself, but I'd like to keep it, b/c something in me says that Guru jee can't be pointless in what He says! Even if I do Not get up at Amrit vela often enough, to feel what I wanted to feel as a Sikh....

I know where I am, and why I am there..... The actual point here is, that I was never devoted enough to rise and shine! Determination is the key.....but I can easily be determined to get up in the morning, if my career is at stake, I can easily determine all my faculties and energies to things that question my abilities of being good enough, for becoming an Emergency Surgeon/neurosurgeon, but when it comes to proving the fact that I am a daughter of Guru jee, I have no determination, or if I do, it is only on things like being Kakkar dhari, or being a good person...and i don't even know what else....

In a way, it was my determination and trust on the fact that I will never regret being Guru jee's daughter for a single day.....that Last year on this same day I took Amrit! I knew, that this was my only chance, and that if I wait a while, I might be convinced to do otherwise, by people who influence me to an extent that they even rule my life sometimes........That's where I loose.... I am not at sale....and most people who know me closely, know that no one can tell me what to do......but really, I guess I sometimes loose in the hands of my family! I lose myself, and try to become theirs'  .....
I hate doing that, but I sometimes do.......
Probably, when I am not confident enough on my own decision, b/c of being a follower, not a leader of my life circumstances....

I think that nothing can corrode faith......I feel like I just started, and that Its fine to start slow, and rough, I realize how smooth the road is, and I want to experience every bit of the its luster on my life...and I wanna feel the journey really well.... I love how I can be absolutely absorbed in Simran at times, even when I don't deserve calling myself Guru jee's daughter.....I love how I've become so much more accepting to stuff that has to happen! I am growing..... growing in life itself, if not in Sikhi that much....I am ready to give it time...really!


Take Care!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

My fav Blogs!

Gobind milan ki eh hai teri bariaya!
I like to sing that over and over to remind me Why we are here in this world! Sometimes duniavi (worldly) entertainment like TV, movies and stuff, contaminate my mind way too well, and keep me engaged and entangled, that is where I feel like if we really wanna feel and see God in all, we should try and surround ourselves with people who wanna advocate or give words to reality that matters! If we are here to seek truth and to seek a Spiritual path that works for us, then, the way we entertain ourselves should also be by means of involving our minds into the right things that resonate with our personalities and spirits...... Here are some of the Blogs I love to read, there are many more, but these women are also, just like me starting their spiritual journeys and are super inspiring !!!


"I'm finally understanding that you have to LIVE a spiritual path; finding is great, reading about it is wonderful, but at some point you have to wo/man it up and claim it as your own. This is know in yogic philosophy as Dharma, a way of righteous living. "



Just a beautiful Journal of G/ Har Anand Kaur!


"I realized yesterday that I'd rather be "alone" face to face with God than involved in the intrigue and circus that I used to go through seeking the approval of others."



"True appreciation [For Gurbani] for me is feeling my way through each line and getting inside and exploring the imagery, metaphors and wisdom inherent within. It means far more to me when I understand enough to truly experience it and most importantly, bring love for God into my practice.

My approach to warding off frustration and not getting hung up on how much I’m reading or understanding is just to take things more slowly. It’s more important for me to feel devotion than to do devotions, and I believe we’re judged on what’s in our hearts, not what we’ve got in our hands."


And of course :

Check 'em out and enjoy!

Wonders of My World!!!

Today, I was down to tears!

and not just once, but twice!

Here are the reasons/events b/c of which I was down to tears:

1) an idiot cheeky kid like me gets the chance to formally (finally in real) learn Guru Granth Sahib jee Maharaaj Santhya...... U know what I think Its a joke!
there is so much I get, that I clearly do NOT deserve....Guru jee loves me wayyyy too much, I cant even love Him back, without getting caught up in Maya and in stuff that holds me back ..... I'm a bloody sloth...I don't even get up at Amrit vela anymore....and here I am, still being pampered and loved by Guru jee... I even failed at my attempt to start wearing a Dastaar full time, I just couldn't oppose my Parents anymore, I was so caught up in Moh and still, Guru jee din't stop and Curse me.......I don't even know what is going on anymore...... How can someone (Guru jee) love ME this much

2) It almost feels like I am being judgmental and just a BAD kid for someone super close to me.... I don't know, I cant help it, I think I am judging her and holding it against her, when I am aware that I shouldn't....Why do we tend to do that..???
but from these stories, (that lead to me being evil towards this person) is that when you have too much to be proud of....and when you only like to compare the Money you earn to that of others', you loose them. I guess I am mad at her, coz I don't want her to loose her family in the process of telling them that they live on her mercy, and that they are where they are and enjoying the comforts b/c she earns so much for them.... I don't know.... in a way I am wrong.... I am being Judgmental...but as a friend and well-wisher I know that this is harmful for the mental health of those who live with her... b/c actually, if your partner really loves you, you don't make them realize that they are living and eating b/c you earn for them, you do everything b/c of the mutual love......and in actual nothing happens b/c of a person's efforts, everything that happens, happens b/c God does it all..... I don't wanna see my friend suffering at the end ...I want her to realize before it is too late, and before her spouse leaves her or just gets too frustrated at life.... I love her, I don't want her and her spouse to suffer, and really, all this is only making him feel useless, when he has endless potential ='(
I should do an Ardaas for her....and I should not be evil by judging her....

BUT, I realize that sometimes in life we get so stubborn that we can let go all our relationships, but not Maya and pride....... we all are a subject of HAUMEY (pride) ...we all have a tendency to judge and do bad stuff.....
but where does it take us?

At the end, only God knows it all, and Life, from the Human perspective, is only uncertain, you never know where you will be tomorrow, the money will all go away one day and you'll be left with only your soul..... AND as of right now, my soul is only restless, it is hungry and is insecure, it knows it belongs to GOD, but the layers of Maya that I have decked it into, for the past 20 years of my present life, and numerous of unknown lifetimes, has totally shattered it, even when it wants to see the light of God, the layers of Maya stop its clouds hide the shiny Sun behind them.....

Gifted......Are you???

Sometimes I think about the Gifts we are Given from the One who made us, and struggle to understand if they really are gifts.....
Its hard to thank God, I guess because He has just blessed us wayyyyy too much.....Everything there is, is because of Him....... also because He is hard to contemplate......what He wants from us is also not easy to contemplate......

I know I don't write too well, but as always I have an Excerpt to Quote!...Here it is, read and Enjoy!

We are all gifted. This is true. It is vital that we know and name our gifts. It is crucial that we do not diminish the importance of a gift simply because our culture fails to take note. Our gift can be as simple as being a good listener or a good shopper. It can range from being a wonderful cook to a terrific parent. It can be notable as being a fine musician or as seemingly insignificant as having a fine sense of Humor.

I feel like in this era, the Gift of being what we are is diminished to no end, there is no respect for Originality..... It turns out to be one of the Gifts that the entire Human race is blessed with, but our culture fails to take note of! If you are not all decked up in Make Up, or if you have are almost not civilized....

I am actually partially writing this to talk about Hair and Sikhism.... I follow Sikh belief, and I am slowly living every bit of the Rehit related to Kesh, but I still do not feel too confident to boast that I am a follower because I do a lot of things wrong, (hopefully with the right intention)......

I might not do a good job discussing this topic but here's a blog Post I'd want you to visit (It talks about Kesh and new standards of those terms), written by a young White Sikh woman who, just like me is new to Sikhi. I'd encourage you to actually visit her blog often, It's one of my favorites!

Are You on Sale???

Here's another excerpt from a book I read a while ago, and since it happens to be one of my life changing Favorites, every time in the break between semesters, when I need some extra Spiritual motivation, I refer back to My fav books.....I came across this, and felt how I talk about this to everyone I counsel, even if it is just on a Personal level, for friends or family... or just ppl too close to me, who pour their heart out and need me to tell my opinion....only yesterday I was telling a bestie, that She shouldn't be on sale at the hands of anyone...her family, her friends, Society or even me.....Here, Read and enjoy!

We live in a culture that encourages us to be covered up and shut down. Here, Image is everything. It is as if we were all on sale. We have to look right. We have to sound right. We have to be with the right people.The problem is that all this "rightness" may be all wrong for us. Our real self gets lost. Our soul gets sold to the highest bidder. We wind up feeling empty, lonely, and lost.

I hear people saying things like....I've had own people wrung out my individuality from within me....... I chose this career or path, because my parents wanted me to do so.....and so on......
I totally can't believe we can let ourselves be traded at the hands of anyone,......
Recently, a friend talked to me about how his mother wanted him to become a doctor, and she has even told all their relatives and family friends that he'd become a doctor, so now if he doesn't want to become one, his mom tells him that he'd risk her accountability..........
It really disheartens me to hear such things.... I feel that we can justify being on sale....all because of our society.....Wow....It also amazes me to no end...
I am not trying to provoke anyone to become a rebel, but really, if you loose yourself in the process of satisfying others, you'll never be happy......
I've been doing things in my life where I am clearly revolting against my loved ones' wishes, but guess what, If they really love me, they'll have to accept me the way I am or would like to be.....
Imaging you love someone for their Image in the Society, and not for who they are in real....How useless that love is....
This reminds me of another story, there was this woman who had a happy marriage with a guy, and they even gave birth to a kid, everything was going well, until one day, when the lady was diagnosed with Cancer, soon she was on Chemotherapy and lost all hair on her body, now everyone could tell that she had Cancer, and she could die any minute...... her husband left her and their only son..... WHY? I'd say because this entire time he was lying that he loved her....he only loved how good she looked when she was healthy...... I hate this story....but it is real.... and I even personally know this family..... Obviously I abandoned them... but Imagine those for who who give up being yourselves turn out like that guy....loving you not for who you are but who you become for them or for the society....

I guess this can be taken to another height and the whole Ideology of being yourself as a Sikh can also be discussed.....but I kinda feel I'd not be the best one to discuss that.....or I'll try some other time maybe...

Till then,
Take Care
Peace Out!


I found the following Quote from a blog that I've been following lately, and I feel like it was totally something I needed (So I thought I'd share!):

"It takes 40 days to change a habit.
It takes 90 days to confirm the habit.
The new habit is who you are in 120 days.
You have mastered the new habit in 1000 days."

I've been changing as a person every few years, and I feel like change is a success in the constant strife of life, to grow and become better.... I've been looking into 'the better' and trying to imbibe it in my blood and bone- but after a bit of doing something, I begin to question myself as to what am I going towards, and what exactly will I achieve thus! Changes are scary, but often fruitful, if directed towards the better...The big Question though, is that did you really change or are still enacting a "false- new Persona"..... I am really only scared of falseness, even Fake greetings, fake expressions of love, Fake Concern, all scare me.... they tell me that the inside of someones' heart and the truth behind ones' feelings is really not what we see from outside... Hence, I always question the changes that I instill in my life, and try to find out if those are what the 'new me' is... I don't always get an answer.... but then I lie down, with my head on Hopes' lap who tells me to give it all some time, and that nothing is in my hands in the first place, the One who does it all is gonna take care of everything!

I dunno....
I'm just a happy bird! nothing really bothers me too much..... but I am in desperate need of Self realization- on a Spiritual level... b/c on a personal level I'm good! Really!

TC till next time

I'll try and update my blog as well!

The Knee Knowledge!

Dear Friends!


A friends Facebook status about the act of "Dandaut" or "mattha tekna", reminded me of this great book that I read a few years ago, by a catholic Pastor who talked about the praying posture as "the knee knowledge"
I thought I'd pull out the book and quote the excerpt, b/c I really loved it and it's worth sharing. Initially when I read this I was not into Sikhi, and was struggling to seek it, in my head.... I totally could relate it to the act of "mattha Tekna" in terms of the fact that I felt freedom in bowing, and giving it all to Him who created us!

"When we are on our knees, we know we are not God. On our knees we accept the limits of Humanity. We recognize that we are not in control of anything. We are not in charge. All our certainty is illusion. From our knees we see that life does not come with warranties and Guarantees.
Initially Knee Knowledge is Frightening. We feel diminished, inconsequential. Being on our knees is a posture of Humility. On our knees, our arrogance is shown to be ignorance, our grandiosity proves foolish, and any boasting sounds silly. It is on our knees that we do our best and most fervent praying.
Knee knowledge soon transforms fear into faith. We learn of the freedom to be found in surrender. No longer trying to make a name for ourselves or proving to the world we are somebody, we can relax and be ourselves. Life is no longer about piling up accomplishments and achievements. Life is an exercise of receiving. Life is a Pure Gift."

God's Love !

Waheguru is our best companion....remember Him...Always He never leaves us all by ourselves..and Hears every beat of our heart, hears every word we utter & those that we don't....He just knows everything...and the cool part is, doing His duties as the God of the world, He is always there for each one of us.Billions of Trillions of us, have Him; that one God, gives us all Personal one on one attention.Thats how cool He is, then why not Love Him whatever way we want, in whatever thought current, faith, spiritual beliefs we want.He's with us- and He doesn't prefer a Hindu over a Sikh, or a Muslim over a Christian or anything of that nature....if He was to be like that, then this universe, under His control, would have never had all these faiths/spiritual schools of thought, those unite with God that <3 Him!.Love is the only determining factor!