Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Yesterday, I wrote on my other blog ( ):
 This time of the year is absolutely magical! Today is the eve of Vaisakhi- and I had a beautiful Hukam today! I also had a wonderful vision during my Reharaas Sahib. Dun wanna share it, but I do want to keep it in my eyes all my life =)
Here was the Hukam from Sachkhand Sri Harimandir Sahib Ji Sri Amritsar tonight:
The cripple crosses over the mountain, the fool becomes a wise man, and the blind man sees the three worlds, by meeting with the True Guru and being purified. || 1 || This is the Glory of the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; listen, O my friends. Filth is washed away, millions of sins are dispelled, and the consciousness becomes immaculate and pure. || 1 || Pause || Such is devotional worship of the Lord of the Universe, that the ant can overpower the elephant. Whoever the Lord makes His own, is blessed with the gift of fearlessness. || 2 || The lion becomes a cat, and the mountain looks like a blade of grass. Those who worked for half a shell, will be judged very wealthy. || 3 || What glorious greatness of Yours can I describe, O Lord of infinite excellences? Please bless me with Your Mercy, and grant me Your Name; O Nanak, I am lost without the Blessed Vision of Your Darshan. || 4 || 7 || 37 ||

And today, I went to the Gurudwara, and all I had to say was for my prayer was to express my yearning for Vaisakhi in my life~ in my case, Vaisakhi is not the call from my Pita jee Maharaaj- it is a personal commitment with what I claim to live by- what I yearn to become! It is about living the Amrit- the purity- the Sikhi at the Guru Charan! 
Thats what Vaisakhi is all about =)
Happy Vaisakhi everyone!
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahgeuru Ji Ki Fateh =)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Whagueu Ji Ki Fateh!

I was washing my hands yesterday, but my eyes were frozen at my own reflection in the mirror, a thought crept into my brain... it said words of self praise, it was probably my ego, telling me how beautiful it perceives me in long, lusciously flowing hair...
A few weeks ago, I was going to 2 award ceremonies, I was getting awards for my contribution in the community as an activist & a volunteer. The whole time I was thinking, I need to wear a Dastaar and show the world the phenomena that inspired me in the last 2 years, that I have been actively perusing community volunteer-ism and  what was it that made me put 'making a difference' on my personal agenda at the first place....
Of course the inspiring phenomenon was my Spiritual evolution and the fact that Guru jee made me His daughter in that I have been trying to walk on the Sikh lifestyle....
But there was something holding me back- Sikhi was the inspiring force, but claiming Sikhi, didn't feel right to me- in fact I have never been able to claim Sikhi- I wear a Kirpaan, but not so much out in the open revealing out of my shirt- I have been practicing my Nitnem- on and off- but not living on the guidelines completely....
There is a bit of a sense of internal disconnect/ gap that I need to bridge- But WHAT IS STOPPING ME?
I can't list a single reason, other than the fact that I am scared to fight, scared to open up- scared to discipline myself enough to live the Kirpan, live the Gurbani, walk the walk entirely and making myself accountable to those who care! LOL I need to man it up! And I will. I am. I am going to take charge.
A few days ago, I was all dressed up for an interview (oh and BTW, first time ever I bombed an interview- probably b/c I was thinking negatively of the position myself, & didn't want myself to do well :P but nonetheless, I learnt so much about myself through this experience), and at the end I tied my little headgear- patka thingie, and my mum started on her rant about how these things dress me down.....

all these things were ringing in my ears as I was washing my hands- as I put my hands under water for a while- as if I was subconciously washing away my fears, insecurities, my fear to take that extra step, walking that extra mile to reach the Holy Charan Kamal of my Guru jee....
And as I was washing my hands and admiring that reflection in the mirror- I suddenly said to myself- "I am only beautiful when I am with my Guru...all of this only looks worth admiring when my sees (head) belongs to the Guru, I really only can be happy, if my sees touches the Charan Kamal of my beloved Guru!, what are you looking for, in your eyes, nothing will be this way, if you are separated from the supreme!"

Oh and I shall leave you with these super awesome- super beautiful Kirtan tracks that I have been listening to for a while- really worth a listen- very classical and Bairaagmaiy (very different than my playlists, if you've been listening to them!). Check 'em out:

ਕਬਿਤੁ ॥ ਤ੍ਵ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

ਛਤ੍ਰਧਾਰੀ ਛਤ੍ਰੀਪਤਿ ਛੈਲ ਰੂਪ ਛਿਤਨਾਥ ਛੌਣੀ ਕਰ ਛਾਇਆ ਬਰ ਛਤ੍ਰੀਪਤ ਗਾਈਐ ॥

ਬਿਸੁਨਾਥ ਬਿਸ੍ਵੰਭਰ ਬੇਦਨਾਥ ਬਾਲਾਕਰ ਬਾਜੀਗਰਿ ਬਾਨ ਧਾਰੀ ਬੰਧ ਨ ਬਤਾਈਐ ॥

ਨਿਉਲੀ ਕਰਮ ਦੂਧਾਧਾਰੀ ਬਿਦਿਆਧਰ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਚਾਰੀ ਧਿਆਨ ਕੋ ਲਗਾਵੈ ਨੈਕ ਧਿਆਨ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ॥

ਰਾਜਨ ਕੇ ਰਾਜਾ ਮਹਾਰਾਜਨ ਕੇ ਮਹਾਰਾਜਾ ਐਸੋ ਰਾਜ ਛੋਡਿ ਅਉਰ ਦੂਜਾ ਕਉਨ ਧਿਆਈਐ ॥੩॥੪੨॥

Love and Light!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Whagueu Ji Ki Fateh!

PS. I have a final exam tomorrow, need to go study now! Thank u all for reading =) leave me a comment if u like <3

Friday, April 1, 2011

when the head and the heart wanna go to opposite directions

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Guru jee has His ways, His ways for testing our perseverance......
There was a time, where sikhi was just in my dreams, and then there was a time for walking the walk....
Here, now is a time where thoughts purr constantly in my mind, as I start my Nitnem- there is no escape- bad dirty crap.... crap that hurts- crap that is too dirty to live with... fragments of the past, the future, the non-existent.  
Crap that is pure lie- that is immoral... crap that I can never think of being~
But here's the funny part... I have found myself in my room, all by myself, with a spot light on, reading Bani for hours together.... AND during the times when my head and my heart are running in two different conflicting directions, of dirt and purity, of the Guru's Charan Kamal  and the lap of Kaam, of love & light and dirty immoral thought crime....
I have slapped myself to consciousness of the Bani I was reading.
There have been times when I have literally slapped myself, beaten myself, and forced myself to concentrate on the Blissful Charan Kamal of Guru jee, who I know will never ever ever let go of me or ignore me, while I have ignored him, running behind others and the crap of 'thought crime'....

And in other times I have given in.... given in to crap~

And as previously mentioned, I am afraid of falling off this path- I can't take it for granted anymore... can't be in the heard for satisfying my ego.... can't walk to win the race, can't be in it for the heck of it.... I can't!
I need to be true to myself and to Guru Jee- If I say this head belongs to you- it has to be that kind of a head~
If I wear my kirpaan all the time, I have to live the Kirpaan, I have to be the Kirpaan- no more hypocrisy will work.... no more contradiction of my vision & my action/ or thought.

Sikhi has to be in every pore of my skin.... it has to be my truth- it must be in every word, deed and thought- in my head, hand and heart- I need to become a sikh- I would want to live in the Charan Kamal of my Guru...

I apologize, this post is for me more than for anyone else. But since this blog is my journal- I guess it works!
< Check out my daily blog on tumblr:

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!