Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh =)
It's my Pita Ji Sri Guru Gobind Singh Ji Maharaaj's Parkaash poorabh (Birthday). Last night I tuned into the Akaal Ustat, listening to the strong voice of a Nihang reciting my Pita Ji's bani, I was constantly feeling that my Pita Ji was singing to His Preetam, His Isht (Love), Akaal Purakh Vaheguru. I was trembling and shivering at the amount of love His words held. After so many months, I felt that I was at Guru Ji's Charan Kamal, the big huge foot I lay upon, so soft with love. This, I've only felt before, while meditating on "Ang Sang Vaheguru", strangely it all came to me at the same time. Then, for the first time in my life, I felt that He held me in His hand, His hand was rough and fuzzy, but very comforting, it was as if He took charge of me so completely, and I felt it. At some point, I was so full of awe and love within myself, that I was brimming with love.
Since the year comes to an end today, I've been very reflective of 2011 lately.
I just realized that 2011 was like the dawn of my life. Dawn of realization. I realized a gazzillion things, I was convinced of a million things that have framed and shaped my life since the moment these things dawned upon me. I have a story to share (which someone very dear to me shared with me this year, & it was always stuck in my head this year):
Once there was a King. He had a beautiful wife, who He loved dearly. One day He has to go to a battle, He goes out, bids farewell to His wife till He returns in a couple of days. He makes sure that while He is away, His wife has all the comforts of life and everything at her end runs smoothly.
Days pass by, and he comes back home to His queen, victorious. No one in the palace knows that he is returning home. On the night of His return, He goes directly to His Queens room and finds her sleeping naked with some guy. He instantly puts his loyee (warm long shawl- scarf thing, that guys wrap around their robes) on her, so that no one else sees her naked body. He then goes to His room and never tells anyone of His wife's frailty, He never even brings it up with his queen ever in life. He just keeps on loving her as if nothing ever happened... absolutely unconditionally...
Years pass by, both the king and the queen age quite a bit.
The queen realizes that the king wouldn't live much longer. At his death bed, she cries and weeps and is scared to loose such a loving Husband. She realizes how amazing her King is and says, "I can never have anyone who would keep my patt (honour/ dignity) like you did. How am I supposed to live without you". "I've done bad things and you always kept my patt (dignity/honour)".
This story struck a cord with me, because first half of 2011, I always felt that I was not good enough for my preetam, my God & Guru. I felt that I always put Him down, I always gave up on Him. Since my spirituality is by means of my relationship with the Guru and not any religion, I even felt that I was cheating on my love. This story reinforced that conditional, worldly relationships are just transitory. they are really only meant to fill your duniavy (worldly), maaya (things that distract you from your Khasam, Akaal Purakh Vaheguru) directed- emotional voids and balance out your emotional influxes. Transitory, worldly relationships are essentially based on needs, even if we don't recognize that at some point. It brought to me that the ONLY relationship worth living for is the one you have with the Light of God within you. The relationship you have with Guru Ji and God, for this is the only permanent affair, rest EVERYTHING is transitory; the relationships, the love which has the ability to cause pain or give anything other than pure uninhibited love. This year, more than ever in life (count these as my testimonies if you will), I've had lucid moments of gratitude and love, not only with all fellow beings, but also with Guru Ji. I've felt Him in so many nights and days. I've seen How everything that I didn't wanna accept kept coming to me as a blessing ready to be unfolded. I've clearly seen that all the failures in my way were His Love for me, trying to literally keep my patt (izzat/ laaj - honour), when I had given it up for gaining a better position in Maaya's world.
He literally increased, while I diminished. This is my #1 goal of 2012 as well.
I want His Jot to increase and expand and me, my ego to diminish and die.
This year, I did make a looooot of mistakes, at times, I was at my darkest, but Guru Ji did not leave me when I was and He also had me recognize the voids I was trying to fill an the fluxes that I was trying to fuel. He had me realize that the past shouldn't make me bitter, it should make me better. He had me fall in love with Him in a way that I never wanted to get back up. In so many duniavy ways/ situations, he had me fall so hard and fall so intensely, but He also gave me the reason to thrust upwards almost instantly, with double the intensity.
Guru ji and God are amazing =)
My Amrit vela regime is on, and its cool, I plan to invite y'all to it some day. Maybe on Skype or something, if not, I can definitely make a video and post it here <3
Happy GUR-POORABH & HAPPY NEW YEARS
Anyways. I think I should go now, there's a rehansabhai (all night kirtan) I wanna go to tonight =) So excited!
PS. Meditations for Pita Ji's Birthday:
1) Lucid dreaming: Let yourself breath and loosen up. Meditate on the presence of Guru Ji, and chant (if thats your thing- like me ;) - And Sang Vaheguru... and let yourself reconnect to the Pritham Bhagauti, the presence, or to the light of your soul- whatever works. What works for me, is to imagine my favourite times- like chaur seva or jode seva until you can imagine yourself at Pita Ji's Charan Kamal. Oh and this one also works for me- I go to the swings at an odd time (when there wouldn't be too many people, and imagine pita Ji swinging me while I chant - you see why I called this lucid dreaming? hahaha- yes thats what it is literally!