Its Exam Season, and there are some important decisions to make for the Future... all at one time!
I am the kind who even enjoys taking exams, and yet it is a bit of a stress contributor, to be on not so much sleep and Naam- Bani (Mediation and prayers), because time is limited and I am not yet used to my own Meditation Regime, and without too much of that, I find myself in a bit of a internal discomfort.
I usually don't get too stressed, but whenever I do, somehow this one Line from the Sukhmani Sahib springs up in my mind- It's simple little bit and yet so powerful- perhaps, it is just a line to someone who doesn't perceive it that way, but to me, its like a food package thrown down from the sky, in the middle of a severe drought or earthquake:
jh mhw BieAwn dUq jm dlY ]
jah mahaa bha-i-aan doot jam dalai.
Where the great and terrible Messenger of Death shall try to crush you,
qh kyvl nwmu sMig qyrY clY ]
tah kayval naam sang tayrai chalai.
there, only the Naam shall go along with you.
jh muskl hovY Aiq BwrI ]
jah muskal hovai at bhaaree.
Where the obstacles are so very heavy,
hir ko nwmu iKn mwih auDwrI ]
har ko naam khin maahi uDhaaree.
the Name of the Lord shall rescue you in an instant
To me the words "Maha Bhayaan" mean super scary times, they kinda have nothing to do with Doot- the Messenger of death, but this does tell me again and again that "Har ka naam daas ki oat- His name is my only support."
Amazingly, I don't dream too much at night, but in a semi sleep mode, I have had some dream-like sessions of a bad feeling- & often this feeling is very vivid in my head at the time of. I feel like I am almost as if vacuumed up, off the bed, and I feel totally helpless, I fail to pull myself down, I fail to move my limbs, eyes, or to make myself feel that this is just a dream. This has happened several times, and even when I was a very young child, for as long as I can remember. I'm sure though, that it is really only a feeling and that I am totally safe and on the bed, when this happens, but it is hard to believe that this is not real when this actually happens. I feel every bit of the "being vacuumed" very clearly, and the feeling that it triggers is total fear, fear that I am under the control of "evil" or Satan (if you like to call it that). Well, the point is, I had this dream last night. and this time I was so firm on not buying it or believing that this is real, that these lines sprung up in my mind:
ijh pYfY mhw AMD gubwrw ]
jih paidai mahaa anDh gubaaraa.
On that journey of total, pitch-black darkness,
hir kw nwmu sMig aujIAwrw ]
har kaa naam sang ujee-aaraa.
the Name of the Lord shall be the Light with you.
jhw pMiQ qyrw ko n is\wnU ]
jahaa panth tayraa ko na sinjaanoo.
On that journey where no one knows you,
hir kw nwmu qh nwil pCwnU ]
har kaa naam tah naal pachhaanoo.
with the Name of the Lord, you shall be recognized
Probably because, I felt that I was in this space, where I had no one to rescue me, to save me and to help me. It was a path where I knew no one, and I had no one to talk to. I felt so helpless, that I wanted to cry, and yet tears wouldn't come out. I was under someone-else's' control. I was literally being vacuumed away from my life, and I got so scared. Terrible.
and here somehow, the only thing I had the control of were my thoughts, the thoughts that knew that I only have my Guru's Aasra (Support). Dhan Guru Granth Sahib Jee Maharaaj! It is beyond my contemplation, that a person with no naam in herself can be rescued from terrible dreams, painful times, and hard decisions can be treated so well by Guru jee and his love that she somehow thought of the Guru when she has no control over anything!
And then this dream ended, and I was in a secure spot of my subconscious as soon as I started reciting the Mool Mantar.
I believe this might also have sprung up in my mind, because I don't know too much Gurbani, these are just the few lines that always raise my eyebrows when I ever listen/ recite the Sukhmani Sahib. My favorites. But just that when I felt that I was in trouble, Guru jee came to help, he came to mind. That amazes me, that makes me his baby! thats what tells me that I wanna become a Sikh- Slowly but certainly, this will me my path- my way of life...
What a life! It never seizes to amaze me that Guru jee loves me, saves me from all my insecurities, even when I am just another girl, who knows too little about Sikhi, doesn't quite live the Sikh lifestyle and has no self Discipline- sometimes no time for God/ Guru.
Guru jee indeed is just such a perfect light, that it eradicates all darkness.
So here's what I have for you all- I've been listening to this musical Jaap Sahib, while studying, its totally beautiful and helps memorizing the baani as well if you are trying to do that! (If you want to access it from my page directly, it is in my GGSJ & DGGSJ Nitnem Banis Playlist!) It leaves me in bliss- Try it out!
Love and Light!