Complete Surrender

I had the biggest subhag (good fortune) last week to be at Pita Ji maharaaj's charan Kamal for quite a while. I'm ever so grateful to so many good souls and to Kaurs United to have had me volunteer for them.
And at some point I had a moment of pure bliss, I stood in front of Pita ji sobbing and asking for the ability to surrunder conpletely at His Charan Kamal. At another moment of  amazingness I also did parkarma (walking around in circles around Guru Ji) of Guru ji 4 times, to register into my mind that my life shall ALWAYS revolve around Guru Granth Sahib Ji maharaaj.
I've witnessed a few miracles.
(1) I've witnessed one of my bhainji's wedding, something I'd call a real Gursikh wedding, for the very first time. It was amazing, how she looked- as if Guru Ji had dressed her with His own hands in His own unique baana. so amazing, The Laavaa(n) kirtan was so amazing that I had tears in my eyes. Vaheguru! As if the souls of the entire sangat were swinging in Simran & kirtan. So much bandagee, so much prem. Adorable!
(2) My week at Kaurs United was the biggest miracle I've ever witnessed. Certain events happened which are beyond contemplation, beyond anything else in the world. And I learnt so many things which all of a sudden changed my life and increased my preeti (love) with Guru Ji's Charan Kamal. I had the sangat of certain amazing souls, and learnt things that I am still processing & registering in my mind.
Events which had me sold out... miracles after which for me my life is nothing but complete surrender onto Guru Ji's Charan Kamal.
(3)My lovely Peeps =D you will see me in a different headgear from now ♥ I feel like I look like how I looked when I was a kiddo- teeny eyes, huge smile, 30 second hugs- I now
officially look like Pita Ji Maharaaj's daughter- with my awesome dastara on my head- I call 
them 10 stars on my head. Wait till you see me OMG soooooooooooooooooooo excited,
can't wait to hug y'all =))))
By the way- I know you've never heard me say that I am beautiful- now I actually think I look soooo cute  ;P

I shall try and talk about my 7 days at Kaurs United more in the next few posts.

Till then, Take care of yourselves.
Keep Chanting Naam
Blessed be!

Wahgeuru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

PS. God dwells in you, as you, and you don’t have to ‘do’ anything to be God-realized or Self-realized, it is already your true and natural state.” Just drop all seeking, turn your attention inward, and sacrifice your mind to the One Self radiating in the Heart of your very being. For this to be your own presently lived experience, Self-Inquiry is the one direct and immediate way. – Ramana Maharshi 
When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As 
you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will 
treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. 
Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose 
yourself.    ~A Course in Miracles

God & His awesomeness *-*

Today was quite the day!

Well, I had a conversation with somebody, which forced me to think about mistakes & sins. I bumped into a friend of mine (who I hardly knew on a personal level before this day) and had some really deep conversations, just coincidentally, out of the blue. I think, our conversation started, as I reflected upon how I wonder if popularity or "followers" on twitter/ tumblr/ blogger might blaze peoples ego. Anyways, from there I guess I said something about how it was so hard for me to realize, when I first started waking on a path of spirituality, that we are meant to be followers & not leaders, for certain things. Then I guess she said some stuff and I recalled seeing a picture of Jesus, after the Last Supper, washing the feet of all his disciples- and I wanted her to explain me why he did that. And there we were back on the topic of Humility and "Jesus said: I came to serve, not to be served..." and we had an awe-inspiring discussion. But then we tread upon some hard topics- like why does God give us suffering- if He really loves us, why do we commit sins, regrets in life... how'd we know if God forgives us for giving into temptation... really hard stuff...
And I realized how many of us live with regrets of our past sins.
When people ask me if I regret anything, I probably giggle and say No, nothing at all- but that, I realized today is likely to be something questionable- I'm not gonna say bad, but questionable.
Have I never given in to temptation, to Kaam (lust), Krodh (anger), Lobh (greed), Moh (attachment), Ahankaar (pride)? I have, maybe so many times that I can't even pin down a number- and perhaps to the extent that no one ever has! Honestly!
Have I never committed any mistakes? Buddy, I commit sins all the time- I'm like full of sinful actions.
Have I never made a bad decision? Oh boy! are you kidding me... I've likely made so many- I'm a mess. I don't even get up in the morning and do Nitnem (daily meditation), I eat without doing my prayers. I forget to floss my teeth half the time haha =[
But I still don't feel that I have any regrets at all. I wonder why though... like what is it that makes me think its okay...
But then I recalled (from past interpersonal experiences with friends, etc.) how sad some people are, cause they have sinned.
I think we all make mistakes (I don't like to use the word sin, because I personally doubt if there's such a thing as sin)... but then we all are presented by the chances to make up for our mistakes. I guess we just gotta live our chances, not regrets. But the one thing I said also was that If we genuinely regret and apologize to God for our mistakes, we are forgiven. And God forgives sincerely- he'd totally forget our mistakes if we deserve forgiveness.
So basically, I find it hard to wrap my head around God and His awesomeness, as usual.
*~*
Anyways, I'm participating in a Sehaj Paath, so when I came home, I ate and thought of doing a Raul (my turn for scripture reading), & Guru Ji is so kind, compassionate, caring - I love Guru Ji maharaaj for the wonderful out of the world blissful time I had at His Charan Kamal, reading the little bit of Gurbaani I have the super good fortune to read. He blessed me with one of the most blissful rauls I've ever done =). I almost wanted to cry today, cause before my Raul, I was thinking of my mistakes- all that I've done and never regretted, and despite all of that, Guru Ji blessed me with such a blissful raul- I don't understand God and the Guru and the hugeness of their hearts.
In fact, there was an awesome Hukamnamah, and so many panktiya(n) (lines) in my raul that I almost stopped, and reflected upon- thanking Guru Ji for making me His daughter & then contemplating upon how my Nanak Guru Gobind Singh Ji & Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaaj are Akaal Purakh Waheguru themselves, how I am soooooooooooooooooooooo blessed to have their Darshan and Hukam...

Oh and this shabad was in the middle of my raul- I've been trying to find this shabad since so long, but wasn't able to, cause I heard this in a kirtan event & totally fell in love with the first pankti (line):

ਮੇਰੀ ਸਖੀ ਸਹੇਲੜੀਹੋ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕੈ ਚਰਣਿ ਲਗਹ ॥  Merī sakẖī sahelṛīho parabẖ kai cẖaraṇ lagah. O my friends and companions, let us remain attached to the Feet of God.

ਮਨਿ ਪ੍ਰਿਅ ਪ੍ਰੇਮੁ ਘਣਾ ਹਰਿ ਕੀ ਭਗਤਿ ਮੰਗਹ ॥  Man pari▫a parem gẖaṇā har kī bẖagaṯ mangah. Within my mind is great love for my Beloved; I beg for the Lord's devotional worship.

ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਪਾਈਐ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਧਿਆਈਐ ਜਾਇ ਮਿਲੀਐ ਹਰਿ ਜਨਾ ॥  Har bẖagaṯ pā▫ī▫ai parabẖ ḏẖi▫ā▫ī▫ai jā▫e milī▫ai har janā. The Lord's devotional worship is obtained, meditating on God. Let us go and meet the humble servants of the Lord.

ਮਾਨੁ ਮੋਹੁ ਬਿਕਾਰੁ ਤਜੀਐ ਅਰਪਿ ਤਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਇਹੁ ਮਨਾ ॥  Mān moh bikār ṯajī▫ai arap ṯan ḏẖan ih manā. Renounce pride, emotional attachment and corruption, and dedicate this body, wealth and mind to Him.

ਬਡ ਪੁਰਖ ਪੂਰਨ ਗੁਣ ਸੰਪੂਰਨ ਭ੍ਰਮ ਭੀਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਮਿਲਿ ਭਗਹ ॥  Bad purakẖ pūran guṇ sampūran bẖaram bẖīṯ har har mil bẖagah. The Lord God is great, perfect, glorious, absolutely perfect; meeting the Lord, Har, Har, the wall of doubt is torn down.

ਬਿਨਵੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਣਿ ਮੰਤ੍ਰੁ ਸਖੀਏ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਨਿਤ ਨਿਤ ਨਿਤ ਜਪਹ ॥੨॥  Binvanṯ Nānak suṇ manṯar sakẖī▫e har nām niṯ niṯ niṯ japah. ||2|| Prays Nanak, hear these teachings, O friends - chant the Lord's Name constantly, over and over again. ||2|| Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh PS. You know, the famine in Somalia has killed more than 30,000 children under the age of 5. If you havn't donated yet, please donate:

Easiest way: http://humanitariancoalition.ca/
And then there's these ways if you like 'em better : Universal Giving has compiled a list of direct ways you can help those affected by the famine in Somalia.

• Give $25 to support a student in Somalia
• Give $25 to help a child suffering from malnutrition
• Give $30 to sponsor an orphan in Somalia
• Provide life-saving relief to drought victims in East Africa
• Give $50 to feed a child for a month
• Give $150 to feed a family for a month
• Give to Read Horn of Africa USA, serving children in Somalia

Love and light <3 Hugs and Prayers

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

mere mann mein teri aas

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

Mann mein teri hi pyaas

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

mere mann mein teri aas

Mann mein teri hi pyaas

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

SatGureh SatGureh!

I often loose myself in your love 

and then get up the next morning, feeling like I never cared about you

and perheps that I need not.

But then in an instant of overwhelming emotion of the memory of your love, of the Bliss at your Charan Kamal …

I rise up again, striving to fall for you all over again, over and over, every day of my life……

I guess I’m in love with you.

But Just grant me this one prayer… ,

when I no longer feel that love for your Charan Kamal, from within, bring to me that moment of aas, of pyaas, of preeti. 

Ignite within my heart the love for the divine, my divine Lord God…

Cause, I know you love me regardless of how much I forget that you reside within me, that you are within my being, within my soul.

Make me fall for you every day, over and over again

… for I have no ability to make my way towards your Charan Kamal without you making me fall for your charan kamal- without you, initiating that aas, that pyaas..

Ignite that aas, that pyaas, that preeti within my heart, within my soul, for your Charan Kamal, oh dear Lord, every day as I rise in the morning.

…for I can give up, I can put you down; but the one thing that will certainly never happen… , is you, giving up on me, you putting me down.

Translations:  aas= longing, desire...; Pyaas= thirst; Preeti=Prem/ Pyaar/ Love... ;mere mann mein teri aas= within my heart/soul, I long/ desire for you;   Mann mein teri hi pyaas= Im my heart, there is only the thirst of your love
_/\_

I don’t know why, but I’m not and shall never really be religious. I’ve tried at some point, I've really genuinely tried- but It has all been fake, like wearing a false persona! I've tried it and given up since quite a while now... Trust me, it never gives you any satisfaction to be fake at any point, for anything at all - it only leads to more- many more questions and doubts. That's the reason I always call Sikhi a spiritual path- rather than a religion- a set of rules/ do's and dont's- a set of ritualistic practices... Nope- that's not for me and never was, and never will be!

 But... I am very spiritual. There’s things about me, about my practice, that are just out of the world blissful. I’ve never had a proper Rehit (discipline), but I’ve had practices, awesomely genuine, soulful practices of love, of faith, of surrender… practices of life, as intrinsic, intimate and inherent to my existence as breathing and heart beat. I love Guru Ji- but I don’t particularly pray or read scriptures. I love guru Ji in the very uncompounded- elemental fiber of my being. I am made of Him, His love… I am made of God… I am made of Love.

I even believe that we are all born out of love, made out of love, we are a manifestation of love- we do not need to be anything but the very true nature of ourselves- LOVE. That’s all, no less no more. We are love!

Humility, faith, trust, fulfillment, forgiveness, support, caring nature are all ingrained in our being, in love… then why do we run out of love sometimes???

I wonder this every-day.  

Oh and also, when people tell me: Sim, Guru Ji doesn’t need people like you- he says “Rehit piayari mohe, sikh piayara naahi”, I totally am pushed into a black hole of thoughts that take me farther from Guru Ji… and until I find myself again at His Charan Kamal- I am lost. But when I do fall at His charan Kamal, He wraps me in His arms, puts my head on his lap, and tells me a story- He tells me every time, that He loves me regardless of who I am and what I hope to accomplish in this life. He loves me just the way I am. He doesn’t care how long I’ll take to get to a Rehatvaan lifestyle/ dicipline. He doesn’t care how much or how little I try. He is tied into my being, into my soul, into each one of my breath and beat.

He is all mine, and I am all His, even though there is a huge time gap. I might take ages to get back to Him, but He will love me completely, in entirety and in an atomic level- completely without conditions- till the end of time… He really will, if He is my GOD.

He will never run out of love for me- My being will never fall short of His love!

Never!

SatGureh Satgureh <3

"most of us are living at “karam khand” - the metaphysical realm of action/karam. Even our dharam (religious practices) are still karams for us - we engage in religious practices as empty actions, devoid of true love, yearning, intention, and dedication. True dharma, or true religious practice, is when we live and act at “dharam khand” - when religious actions become spiritual, second-nature, and/or default." ... "When your rehat and karam come through complete understanding, default, and pure love, you will become a true Gursikh, because you are living and loving genuinely - jin PREM kio, tin hi prab paiyo. Again, PREM can’t be faked. You fall in love with God as you’d fall in love with anyone/anything. Sometimes it requires diligence, patience, innocence, and faith." - http://phulkari.tumblr.com/post/8522985422/a-kaurs-view-of-kes-hair-faith-love

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahgueur Ji Ki Fateh

Love and light <3 Hugs and Prayers =)

PS. If your faith is true, Please Please Please do not let the opinions of others consume you- God and the Guru Love you UNCONDITIONALLY, they really do =)

A little something about me =P

I just feel like posting something totally random, after a long day of fun in the Waterfalls --> Picnic with family at the beach --> Beach (swim + laying on the pier and cloud-watching & sky staring with a random kiddo --> hike in the wilderness --> long drive with my sister --> Tea with Family friends & a lot of jokes (giggling for hours). I think if you read my blog, you might just wanna know some random, entertaining stuff about me. So here we go:

I'm obsessed with:

• Life- craziness- adventure- freedom- endless love- everything that fun life entails
• seasons/ weathers- all seasons- rain- sun- wind- Thunder- everything
• The sky- it is the most amazing thing to sit ans observe <3
• My Family: If there's anything I'm truly crazzzzy about, i think it's my family! I adore my baby brother- He's lazy and funny, but very inspiring when it comes to Sikhi. My Sister is awesome! I'm so much in love with these 2 people that I feel guilty every-time I'm too busy to spend time with my peeps. Oh and for my parents- It's funny how much I always want them to (In fact I worry about them as if I'm their mommy) have a good time /day /moment / etc.
• Love of my life: seriously (at least for the last little while) I try to find my Singh everywhere- I literally dream of him ;) He’ll be an amazing gift from God, I actually think I’m the kind who’ll totally fall in love with someone too good to be true- someone straight from my dreams ;) But  of-course I want Guru Ji’s hukam to lead me in the right direction with this- and I have faith in Him, He’ll randomly one day, find me my Sing Charming, when the time is right & I’m ready to wait  (& go to Med school/ grad school in the meanwhile ;))
• Guys with beards/ Guys in Sikhi Saroop/ chola clad ppl - I’m sorry if I stand and stare at any of these ppl- but beards and dreadlocks for some reason instantly release some endorphin within me ;) [FYI: Endorphins make you happy btw, I’m not sexually attracted to anyone quite yet LOL, if thats what u were thinking- Dude!]
• Singhniya: I adore you all- I stand in awe of your commitment towards my pita ji maharaaj <3 <3 <3 *release of Endorphin*
• long hair/ Dreadlocks/ Dastaars/ you know those huge SarabhLoh  Kara on Nihang Dastaars? I adore those things, they look like halos
• NIHANGS <3 they are 90% of the time: the most handsome male forms on this earth =P or superly beautiful female forms- they just look divine 
• Nuns/ monks- I love nuns and their habit (white/ black/ both), for some reason, they remind me of my school & my childhood- I soooo love how divine they look, even Buddhist monks look soooo amazing & Hijabi women also look like fashionable angels [I know its not about the looks but I think they all look so amazing that I'm sure they are amazing]
• Hammocks- imagine cuddling with a close family member on a hammock and enjoying the weather #Epic =)
• White Daisys- worn in the hair, as live flowers in the gardens / etc.
• Dresses/ all things feminine (except outrageous amount of make up)- I like hair accessories as well as hats and headgears (patkey/dastaars)
• Meaningful tatoos - like tatoos of mantras you live by/ or nice poetry/ art
• Colored hair- like outrageously vibrant colors- Purple hair (of-course on others- not on me)
• Music- usually meditative music: mantras/ chants/ kirtan
• Raam Ji, Kanha (Lord Krishna), Jesus, Buddha, Ganesha
• Imperfections- messy hair, un-ironed clothes, hairy-ness, messy room (sometimes and to some degree) [Messy washrooms piss me off though- bedrooms are okay if a bit messy]
• LOVE/ unconditionally spreading love/ forgiveness/ acceptance- I’m so obsessed with all of these things- try ‘em on me and you’ll know what I mean
• Singing/ chanting- ask my family - esply. my bro- he hates how much I do these things + one thing no one knows- when I am alone or when I go to bed, I randomly just keep singing/ chanting= its like I’m totally un-inhibited, maybe even compulsively always chanting. It has gotten to a point (day/ night/ all the time) that my family hates to hear my voice.
• Nature- sea /ocean /waterfalls / sky/ wilderness/ trees/ fresh air  everything of the sort- to a point that I am always outdoors
• People- I am a peoples person- I love ppl- I volunteer/ I take transit/ I walk places/ all of that cause I love interacting with ppl- Oh and I love the elderly and kiddos- they rock + I love wrinkles & the swollen out blood vessels on the back of the hands of the elderly- they’re particularly tender and lovely to play with- I know I’m crazzzzzy but really- I love the veins around the eyes of the elderly and the veins on the top of the eyelids of the newborns- so beautiful (I look forward to growing old but I also always wanna be a kiddo—- whats with me !?! I love being in my 20’s as well actually- at the moment I like the dreamy and workaholic, funaholic, and shopaholic nature of my early 20’s- I liked the craziness of my late teens- sweaty armpits and insecurities: that time was a bit too adventurous- a new crush every few years, a new passion to serve, a new curiosity to feed and  a new dream to chase and dream more about, every now and then LOL anyways, #moving on
• HUGS- If you know me in person, u know what I mean- It really need no explanation, does it?
• OMG did I just forget… Giggling & Smiling ALL THE TIME- to an extent that some of my friends have named me ‘Giggles’ / ‘gigglejot’. I’ve even found myself smiling for no real reason- at just a feeling or a memory / a random joke or nothing at all. But honestly, I’ve tried to make this a habit most of my life- and I believe that a smile is the most beautiful thing I can ever wear- so sometimes I just smile to look beautiful and FEEL beautiful =) I like smiling without a reason =P letting th eworld wonder whats the deal with this womannnnn
• Some of you might have noticed that I didn’t say i am obsessed with any of the Gurbani- actually my bani practice is very weak- maybe even poor like an F- grade: but I really like the first few passages of Sukhmani Sahib & all of Anand Sahib & Shabad Hazaarey. But still poor practice makes me feel like I can’t say that I am obsessed, or does it count anyway???
• Quiet study/ reflection time- I am obsessed with the peace and patience there is in studying/ reflecting on things- the poise on my study table: I just wish I did more of it though =P Obviously I don’t seem like the med school kind- but I wishhhhh Oh & even if it doesn’t work out- I’ll do anything in the health care field & I’ll love my life regardless <3 you know- that’s my style =) 
• Co-incidences: always make me feel special and make me think that Guru ji is so cool- and crazzzzzzy <3
• Guru Ji (Pita Ji Maharaaj)- I live everyday like an untamed, wild female- totally wildly dancing/ singing/ loving/ carelessly doing crazy things (LOL) but at the end of the day- my soul craves for the charan Kamal of only this one Guy- Nanak Guru Gobind singh Ji- Guru Granth Sahib Ji maharaaj <3 <3 <3 
• Oh not to mention I am a worrywart- I am quite fun but I do worry a lot about small, useless things- however this is not my obsession, just wanted to mention it to avoid showing half my face here - you get what i mean?

Legend (my meanings of confusing words I used too often…:)

Crazy: Blissfully perfect, unbelievably awesome <3 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's another little something I wanna leave you with tonight:

"Forgive them even if they are not sorry"

A friend’s facebook status had me reflect upon forgiveness and reminded me of the last words of Jesus, when the tyrant soldiers were stabbing his body with spears and nailing him onto the cross- “But Jesus said: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (From the Bible, Miles Coverdale’s Version, Luke 23:34, 1535). There was a nun in my school who used to say this to the kids, when she wanted them to realize that forgiveness is an attribute of ones character and one of the various qualities of God (& His children).

This one time, in meditation, I reflected upon Guru Teg Bahadur Sahib Ji Maharaaj’s “Meetha laagey tera Bhaana”, and was reminded of the same nun- its so interesting =)

Also, once some friends and me were at an event for KU camp (KaursUnited) recruitment, and we asked the women who stopped by on our table, to paint a word on the bristol boards, the first word that comes to their minds when they think of Kaurs- there was a lady who went on a tangent and said that Forgiveness will be the one thing she would like to see in spiritually empowered Kaurs- because she said, she had forgiven the lady who broke her marriage and she felt that forgiveness exalts us. hmmm… As hard as forgiveness might be, it is a precious attribute of ones characters.

Love and Light <3 Hugs and Prayers

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa _/\_ Wahgeuru Ji Ki Fateh