Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Reflection!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Whagueu Ji Ki Fateh!

I was washing my hands yesterday, but my eyes were frozen at my own reflection in the mirror, a thought crept into my brain... it said words of self praise, it was probably my ego, telling me how beautiful it perceives me in long, lusciously flowing hair...
A few weeks ago, I was going to 2 award ceremonies, I was getting awards for my contribution in the community as an activist & a volunteer. The whole time I was thinking, I need to wear a Dastaar and show the world the phenomena that inspired me in the last 2 years, that I have been actively perusing community volunteer-ism and  what was it that made me put 'making a difference' on my personal agenda at the first place....
Of course the inspiring phenomenon was my Spiritual evolution and the fact that Guru jee made me His daughter in that I have been trying to walk on the Sikh lifestyle....
But there was something holding me back- Sikhi was the inspiring force, but claiming Sikhi, didn't feel right to me- in fact I have never been able to claim Sikhi- I wear a Kirpaan, but not so much out in the open revealing out of my shirt- I have been practicing my Nitnem- on and off- but not living on the guidelines completely....
There is a bit of a sense of internal disconnect/ gap that I need to bridge- But WHAT IS STOPPING ME?
I can't list a single reason, other than the fact that I am scared to fight, scared to open up- scared to discipline myself enough to live the Kirpan, live the Gurbani, walk the walk entirely and making myself accountable to those who care! LOL I need to man it up! And I will. I am. I am going to take charge.
A few days ago, I was all dressed up for an interview (oh and BTW, first time ever I bombed an interview- probably b/c I was thinking negatively of the position myself, & didn't want myself to do well :P but nonetheless, I learnt so much about myself through this experience), and at the end I tied my little headgear- patka thingie, and my mum started on her rant about how these things dress me down.....

all these things were ringing in my ears as I was washing my hands- as I put my hands under water for a while- as if I was subconciously washing away my fears, insecurities, my fear to take that extra step, walking that extra mile to reach the Holy Charan Kamal of my Guru jee....
And as I was washing my hands and admiring that reflection in the mirror- I suddenly said to myself- "I am only beautiful when I am with my Guru...all of this only looks worth admiring when my sees (head) belongs to the Guru, I really only can be happy, if my sees touches the Charan Kamal of my beloved Guru!, what are you looking for, in your eyes, nothing will be this way, if you are separated from the supreme!"



Oh and I shall leave you with these super awesome- super beautiful Kirtan tracks that I have been listening to for a while- really worth a listen- very classical and Bairaagmaiy (very different than my playlists, if you've been listening to them!). Check 'em out:
http://www.sikhee.com/audio/Kirtan/Bhai%20Baljeet%20Singh/Tum%20Ho%20Sabh%20Rajan%20Ke%20Raja.mp3
http://www.damdamitaksal.org/wimpy1/02-Kirtan/02-Calasical/00159.mp3

ਕਬਿਤੁ ॥ ਤ੍ਵ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

ਛਤ੍ਰਧਾਰੀ ਛਤ੍ਰੀਪਤਿ ਛੈਲ ਰੂਪ ਛਿਤਨਾਥ ਛੌਣੀ ਕਰ ਛਾਇਆ ਬਰ ਛਤ੍ਰੀਪਤ ਗਾਈਐ ॥

ਬਿਸੁਨਾਥ ਬਿਸ੍ਵੰਭਰ ਬੇਦਨਾਥ ਬਾਲਾਕਰ ਬਾਜੀਗਰਿ ਬਾਨ ਧਾਰੀ ਬੰਧ ਨ ਬਤਾਈਐ ॥

ਨਿਉਲੀ ਕਰਮ ਦੂਧਾਧਾਰੀ ਬਿਦਿਆਧਰ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਚਾਰੀ ਧਿਆਨ ਕੋ ਲਗਾਵੈ ਨੈਕ ਧਿਆਨ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ॥

ਰਾਜਨ ਕੇ ਰਾਜਾ ਮਹਾਰਾਜਨ ਕੇ ਮਹਾਰਾਜਾ ਐਸੋ ਰਾਜ ਛੋਡਿ ਅਉਰ ਦੂਜਾ ਕਉਨ ਧਿਆਈਐ ॥੩॥੪੨॥


Love and Light!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Whagueu Ji Ki Fateh!

PS. I have a final exam tomorrow, need to go study now! Thank u all for reading =) leave me a comment if u like <3

2 comments:

  1. WJKK,WJKF!
    Sounds like you're finding your way, step by step! You have such courage to question yourself, just remember to be kind also. :) Sat Nam!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank You sister! You always have awesome insight =)

    ReplyDelete