Inspiration outside the box

Sometimes I wonder if I am the spider who is gonna keep trying endlessly until I succeed in building my web (In this case attaining place & hence peace in My True Gurus Charan) or the one who will fall on my face and give up.
One thing is that I get to decide that! Second, is that all I can do is Pray and Hope that my Ardaas is granted, which is a given, because the True Guru Answers His childrens' prayers. Third is that no matter what, Guru jee will never ever ever let go of me, even if I decide to show my back to Him, He will never back up on me...
There is a Sikh retreat coming up this weekend, and I really guess I wanna go, but how much do I need to struggle and fight my guilt resulting from disobeying? In order to go to an event like this, I need to Disobey my Duniavi Parents (Worldly/ Bodily parents), and I don't want to do that... Yet I registered and can't think which hand to leave, which one to hold...
Since Guru Jee will never leave my hand and let go of me, I have very little to worry about... but somehow fear surrounds me, I fear the consequences to Duniavi relationships and if I see a single tear fall down an eye, I can never forgive myself... besides, disobeying is disobeying- My Duniavi Parents are wonderful and so loving that just by disobeying them I should be ashamed of myself... Clearly I suffer from Moh!
But what do retreats offer to me that I feel a need to disobey? One, Sangat (Congregation of the Holy), which in itself is Guru's Roop (the face of the Guru). Two, peace and the power and connection to Guru jee, it is almost like the only time when I can be the True Gurus daughter, where I can forget all else and feel Him and be the Kaur I claim to be. I cannot see myself growing Spiritually without it. But then, should I wait until I am old enough to not be answerable to anyone? Well, then what about Perseverance?
And How many of these experiences (times in Sangat when I feel spiritually uplifted) will I waste until I really am pulled up? "Suffering pulls people up"- so maybe I need to suffer?
... ... ... ....
And here we see Perseverance Personified-  "I always pray that I would come back again and again endlessly, to serve all beings until Sansaar is empty" ~His Holiness Dalai Lama

And that, by the way, sounds like Shaheedi Faujaan to me LOL!

Please forgive me, I forgot to translate certain terms. Below you can refer to them for your own knowledge and understanding:
Sansaar: the World/ Universe/ Earth (here a reference to all inhabitants of the Earth)
Shaheedi Faujaan: Those pure Souls that are totally enlightened that Akaal Purakh Waheguru (God) readily Liberates them, but they choose to serve the Guru Ghar (House of the Guru) by comming back and forth in this world to serve the Guru and His Children (all beings). They could come as Souls or human flesh and bone. I guess it is to their discretion! Many People say that wherever there is Gurbani (Scriptures) they stay there as souls and do Chaur Sahib (the duty of a whisk bearer who makes sure dirt or insects/flies don't come on Guru jees Saroop) and also do stuff like protecting the righteous people from bad situations, when the victims call upon for Gods help, the Shaheed Singhs (Fauj - faujaan is plural means army) come to serve them for Guru jee...
Charan: Holy Feet
Moh: emotional attachment


Love and Light

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!