I want the Guru to embrace me.......
I wanna hug Him tight.... But where is He?
OMG! Actually, as a kid, I was one of those lil ones who loved to be alone in her room.... I'd play with my barbies and dress them up, dress their hair all day long.... I had a whole bunch of them....I just loved collecting the lil girlies!
So yeah, I'd stay in my room, all alone, and a big part of my concept of affection was what I entrusted upon them...It's funny, because I still remember...I used to sit alone sometimes and think that if God really existed He'd be with me each moment and If I try hard enough , He'd appear to me and prove His love for me.... But then at times when I had some reason to cry/ feel Lonely inside, I'm wonder if God really was there for me and that will he ever apopear and comfort me for "real", I always thought God had to be Physical to be true... But I still wanna see Him sometimes and want Him to come and support me when I am alone on this path... at my tortoise pace.

I really want a Hand God... and I know that only your Hand is strong enough to Support me, and to pull me out of this horrifying Fire of temptation, Fear, Lust, and the Super Anger that dwells in my heart... Please Please Gimme your Hand, Gimme your Love to Grab onto.... Gimme a Hug!

Oh well, Had a hectic week, Sorry I didn't write a post all this week.... but The series of events happened Like my Birthday, the surprise cool celebrations by my friends, my Family... And Somehow, People love me much more than I love myself, Maybe because I focus more on loving Other people, and I forget that I gotta love myself too.... But I am really Happy and Grateful to everyone who made an impact in my existence in any way!
...and then days of Slow decline in Positivity and Faith.... and then totally out of the blue, in the middle of declining faith, this one Shabad started ringing in my ears that I herd long ago (I suspect a few days before I took Amrit), in a Rehansabhai Kirtan night... that said something along the lines of  " Mere mann, Gur Gur Gur Sad Karyey....Gur Kar rey man mere..."
This was interesting flash of Light in a drak dingy tunnel of declining faith.... because my Perception of this Line has always been, "Gur Kar rey mann mere.." as in Oh my mind - Adopt/ have/ declare a Guru...have a Guru and Follow Him completely...
I've been thinking How I cannot call my Commitment as  (* Reference *) " Sir deejay Kaan N Keejay" I can never call my commitment that I've always looked back and forth, and have always been scared of taking another step....
But I am trying!
And I am happy I am!


*Reference*
Jo To Prem Khelan Ka Chaao
Sir Dhar Tali Gali Meri Aao
It Maarag Pair Dharrejay
Sir Deejay Kaan Na Keeja
Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Page 1412
Sri Guru Nanak Sahib Says:
“If you yearn to sport love-divine , you can gain entrance to the arena of love with your head on your palm. And once you have set out on this path of love, offer and laydown your head with least concern for anything else.”