My Soul dances in His Love

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

Hey Folks!

I thought I'd tell you a small story about why I love Guru jee so much, and why despite the fact that I cannot wrap my head around the idea that I wanna live the Sikh lifestyle, yet cannot live without it......
Wow I sound so confused...
Anyways, I'll try to explain this once more.... I have a hard time confronting that I wanna follow, but The layers of Maya I have wrapped myself into, just don't let me follow peacefully...at one point of a day without baani (I often have non-Sikh days!, where I do not get up in the morning and miss my Nitnem), I break down.. and reflect if I wanna follow or Lead.....
Makes sense!?!

Okay! so here's the thing..... I think the sooner I win over this sleeping in habbit, the sooner I will gain the determination to Life happily ever after....as a Sikh!

So here's why I still wanna stick around:

MY SOUL DANCES IN HIS LOVE!
Just as simple as it sounds, we work on our exterior body soooooo bloody much! We try and dress it perfectly, we try and groom it so much and so well....we try to keep our skins looking fresh and fragrant..... amd the list goes on....
BUT what do we do for the inside? What do we ever do for our Souls? I honestly just let my soul wrought and stink..... specially on my Non-Sikh days...... My Soul becomes needy and useless and I dont know what else..... I long for something that I can't even tell.... and this longing is not on a bodily level...it is something greater and more profound.......clearly it is my Souls' longing.

On my Sikh days, however, I am naturally happier from the inside, I feel at peace, in the inside....
I think I've always been happy on the outside, b/c I never felt comfortable showing others' my pain.... and my weakness, That's why I am writing this blog, and that too with the name H. Kaur.... b/c I am scared of being judged and made use of through my weaknesses..... Anyways, lemme not go onto a tangent here....

So, my Soul, on my Sikh days, is beautiful and graceful...it doesn't hurt inside that much.... I live every moment of my day singing devotional Kirtan in my inside, or just doing Simran! Even while working, I feel like Simran is stuck in my head and that I can breathe better and nicer.... Breathing disorders do not hurt that much on those days..... And nights are peaceful....My soul feels the simran....I almost live every breath with my beloved Guru.....that's where I see my relationship with Guru jee the best thing in this World.....

Then why do I feel so uncomfortable confronting my Love for Guru jee???

I guess I've felt this in meditation sometimes, that my inside...my Soul or something recognizes God and can relate to Him much better than me, as a person of flesh and bones.... I'll be in meditation and I feel like I belong to it all, and I feel like I have faith in me....but when I am just a normal person I lack that feeling.....
I just need to get the work on my shoulders done and so on, I just probably need to rule my world at that time...just to prove myself the best and the most efficient at work and in school....and stuff like that!

Anyways...
Its really late I should go get some sleep now....

I'll try and write more later!
Take Care!

Guru Fateh!