I am blessed to be living in Vancouver! There's such an awesome sangat here, and there are Events, Kirtans, Samagams and Camps going on all year round!
Like I told you yesterday that it was my the end of my first year of having been blessed with Amrit, I wanted to do something to thank God, and Guru jee, for this beautiful gift! And b/c Guru jee knows that I might not be able to do too much on my own, He blessed me with Amrit vela Week in our local Sangat!
Today is day 2 of the AV week, (I missed day 1, I slept in till super late)....anyways! I went for the day 2!
Ioften feel lovely by the end of a nice Simran and Nitnem Jaap, especially if it is done in Sangat.... but today was not one of those days...
I was feeling weak and worthless in every way! Simran as always was beautiful....but unlike my normal times, I could not feel my soul today! All through the 1 hour of Simran, my Soul felt uprooted.... I was externally enjoying the Simran, and could keep my mind in better concentration than normal, but my Soul was constantly missing something......
It is funny how I can feel my Soul's involvement.....but I really can, My Soul experiences Bairaag (sadness for being away from Lord the Master), it often makes me cry in Simran or Meditation......but my mind, and Sub-concious, drifts away...it keeps on jumping from one thing to the other like a monkey.... there was something different about todays Sadhana.... really!
Today, my soul was as if upset at me..... and my mind wanted to stick around in the Darbaar and Sing......
I clearly felt my souls' dis-satisfaction, My soul was Mad at me, it felt out of balance.... it sounded like a discordant stringed instrument....
By the time we started Nitnem Banis, I finally understood what was lacking......Something in me said that I was decieving myself for a really long time.... I had forgotten most of Jaap Sahib, which I used to almost know by heart......I instantly realized that my soul had lost touch with the eternal who kept it lubricalted and frictionless.... I realized my fault.....I knew I had been cheating on my soul for a while..... it was surviving on only Simran and Chanting.........while it once thrived on the daily Banis.....It needed them on a daily basis.... I needed them! I was merely wearing the 5 K's and not living them.....
But one thing is for sure...... I will not let this happen Again..... I am not sad.....I rather feel blessed, I'll totally rock the rest of the days of Amrit vela Week.....
Oh and tonight is my second class of Guru Granth Sahib jee Maharaaj Santhya.... I'm excited, wanna go home once I'm done my work, and then Practice on Guru jee's sainchiyan (part wise books, used for household Sehaj paaths and / or reading practice)
I'm excited!
Oh and guess what, I couldn't sleep all night yesterday (That's why I wrote a post at 1:00 am in the night, I totally didn't wanna miss the day 2 of AV Week, you see! )
In any case, my chronic Insomnia has worsened now a days.... but I hope it'll get better with Sadhana and Amrit vela, just like my breathing disorders.....I feel like a sick old lady at 20!....Hahahaha
Anyways!
Talk to you guys later!
Take Care
Guru Fateh!
Amrit Vela week, what a nice idea! You are blessed as you say, to have something like that close by. Hope you have a nice week! :-)
ReplyDelete