Am I them....and are they me??? Are we all ONE?

I am not sure... not sure if ....
Guru Arjan Dev ji, Bhai Taru Singh, Bhai Mati Das, Guru Teg Bahadur ji, Guru Gobind Singh jee's 4 sons... and the endless list of Shaheeds (Martyrs) were all made of the same 'fundamental energy' as all of us...as me, for that matter! If we are all the same as the rest of the universe, then how....
How did they possibly do all this? How did they consider their faith more important than their bodily lives???
How could they sacrifice their lives in the most painful ways, when most of us cannot even sacrifice simple things and elements of Maya (stuff that distracts you from God is often termed as Maya) ......
I can never understand...
If they were true, real Sikhs, then yes, I admit that I possibly can never be a Sikh of that...level of determination, faith (Bharosa) and really everything! Basically everything they were or are as the Souls that merged with God and the Universe...I can possibly never be......
But what do we aim at doing when we step in this path, in this Kahniyo tikhi valon nikki... Marag? I wonder!
What did I aim at doing??? I can't exactly tell....I don't quite know...I just know that I'd ever respect those who can walk on this path to a level that I might as well wanna be like them... and here I am ...Trying, and miserably failing!
But what is this all about? why am I so emotionally attached to something I doubt I can do all my life..? I don't quite know! I gues b/c it gives me that peace that I was looking for... Longing for,..ever since I've known myself, I wanted this...
And what happened now? Maybe I've never known myself well enough to know what I was/ am trying to do [Spiritually]

I am really not feeling good today, really unmotivated and well, I guess its just like a non-Sikh day for me today

But I know I've never put a genuine effort into becoming what I long to become.... I have not..ever!
I need to start taking this more seriously....
I need to get rid of the false persona....I need to get rid of things I'm feeling not ready for at this point, to make sure I don't get trapped in the excessive details which I know for a fact are holding me back....
Maybe I need to start over, and start fresh and take baby-steps....and get myself more ready for these big principles that I'm feeling stuck in right now....
Maybe I need to step up and take responsibility for my spiritual growth....I don't know!
Theres a million maybes, but now I'm stuck in things done imperfectly, and I fear starting from scratch once again... all over again...
I don't know a thing!
God Show me Light....Show me the way I need to go.... help me!
What have you destined for me???
What??? Please show me a sign.....


Oh My Lord,
Treasure Of Bliss,
have mercy on me
that I may sing thy praises
I rest ever, my hopes in thee Oh Lord!
...When Shall you take me into thy arms and thy Embrace
When Shall you take me in thy embrace?
Oh My Lord,
I am thy foolish child
bless me ever, ever with thy teachings
this child, every moment commits mistakes and faults
but still somehow, he is ever pleasing unto thee
Oh Father of the Universe
For me there is no other place where i can go, where I can Go

Wa-Hey-Guruuu