Wahgeuru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh =)
Something I haven't confessed, that I now feel like I need to vent out & finally LET GO, is that during the last 2 years, regardless of how much I've wanted to live the life of a Sikh; as many times as I've lived in Rehit (discipline), or taken steps towards Sikhi; probably like twice or more than those many times I've thought about quitting Sikhi. I really have, not out loud for people to know, but within my heart. I've been so tightly closed off towards grace, that if you remember, initially, this blog was like a collection of guilty notes for my massive failure as a Sikh. But now, something has changed. I've had Guru Ji do some super awesome things to me in the last little bit. I'm so grateful. I often tell pita Ji in Ardaas that I don't even know how to thank him or be grateful for it all- & then I wink & tell him to hold my finger & teach me how to be grateful Hehe.
The affirmation that changed my life is "Guru Mere Sang Sadaa Hai Naale" (AngSang Waheguru / God & the Guru are always with me, by my side- always!). I've meditated on AngSang Waheguru, I have sung it to myself for days and nights, I've said it out loud when in fear... I have meditated & imagined on physical presence of Pita Ji around me...
For Kaurs United 2011, I was told this year, months ago, in a KU Planning meeting, to help out with the Darbaar, months before I even had made the decision of going, I knew that this was my opportunity to be with pita Ji 24/7. This was where I felt, I will finally be able to internalize the idea of Pita Ji's presence... I quickly blurted out I am gonna sleep in the darbaar with Pita Ji. It was amazing how so many months before the camp, I bought a nice night suit to wear when I sleep with Pita Ji (LOL, you know how crazy I am...). Oh and then, I wasn't allowed to go to KU, I sneaked out of home, to go to the camp- cause you know my mom would never let me go for whatever reason =P the point I wanna make here is that I was a bit guilty about sneaking out of home for 7 days, (Like I had told my parents, but I didn't have their consent- Dude, I'm 22 & I need permissions- I actually do, otherwise I feel so guilty), but for whatever reason, I knew I had to go, cause Pita Ji would be physically in Subtle body (Saroop) with me.
Well, one of the days at KU, a guest speaker (Dharm Kaur Khalsa- aunty Ji) talked about Pritham Bhagauti. I didn't quite understand the idea of the essence and the embodiment of your mother; how do you know that someone is your mother. How did Guru Nanak Dev Ji maharaaj know that He was the Guru (and perhaps Sri Akaal Purakh Whagueru/ God). I didn't quite understand what the speaker was trying to tell us, when she said, that Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaaj, knew that He had the Jyot (the Light) of God within Himself, because He meditated upon it, He meditated and mastered His own self, His own body, He knew himself, and therefore He knew the entire universe.
Amazing. But too hard for me to wrap my head around...
Well then, it turned out that what this internal essence, this embodiment of our mother- the universal mother, really is, is Pritham Bhagauti. The one we meditate (Simar Ke) before we start our daily Ardaas- about 3 times a day!
For me, Sikhi was never a religion, it was a relationship. That is why you often hear me say/use the word "Pita Ji" instead of "Guru Ji" or "Maharaaj Ji". For me, having never reflected upon what Pritham Bhagauti, while claiming to meditate (simar) upon it 3 times of my day, before I get to talk to my Pita Ji- is pretty bad. =P
But anyway- so then I ask the speaker to help my understand what Pritham Bhagauti is, what exactly it is manifested as in real/practical life of a Sikh, and all of that.
Now the amazing part is, (& the Speaker explained it this way!) in your life the presence or absence of anything- might make you feel a certain way. Like, the presence of my mom, makes me feel guilty =( cause of all the things I have done against her wish (bad example, but you know what I mean). But the deal is, How do I let that guilt (or any feeling for that matter) affect the internal being within me.
Now imagine (& know it for real) that you have the light of God within you
(ਏ ਸਰੀਰਾ ਮੇਰਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਤੁਮ ਮਹਿ ਜੋਤਿ ਰਖੀ ਤਾ ਤੂ ਜਗ ਮਹਿ ਆਇਆ ॥
ay sareeraa mayri-aa har tum meh jot rakhee taa too jag meh aa-i-aa.
O my body, the Lord infused His Light into you, and then you came into the world. )
So, imagine you have the light of God (imagine a candle) burning bright within you, and an emotion like guilt or fear or jealousy or any response to an external stimuli comes along and you let it rule you for once and allow it to blow the candle, and therefore you let external stimuli blow out the light of God which makes you YOU!
That essence, that internal light of God (Jot) is Pritham Bhagauti. It manifests itself as a sword- a combination of all Mothers, the Naad (sound current), the Ek Oang Kaar (the all powerful creator God, who resides within His creation). We therefore are all swords- we all have that power (I wanna say, we as women- but guess what- I need to put aside my feminist ideology, and just think of the light of God that we ALL have within us.). We all are swords- double-edged swords (and thinking about it- we are the power- the power of internal spiritual integrity that we all have)! But our blades also become blunt over time, with use. Naam-simran (meditating on Whagueru) & Gurbaani sharpens our blades, it sharpens our spiritual integrity, our spiritual strength.
Recently, I've started wearing a full blown Dastaar (hehe), I'm finally solidified in my Rehit & Nitnem to some extent. And despite what happens on the outside- on the physical & social level, Guru Ji has helped me sharpen my internal spiritual strength enough to keep going, despite the circumstances. My mom still doesn't want to see me in my dastaar, and I was always ready to compromise it, but there's just something, and it came out of nowhere. The Dastaar, the Rehit, the Simran, meditation, Nitnem- none of it was planned at all. All that happened was that I realized the light of God within myself and stopped letting the external physical or social environment let blow out that light of God within me. That flame- I felt, was so precious, that I could no longer let ANYTHING blow it out. Meditating on Pritham Bhagauti now, has given me so much strength, that even when things really get tense, I do not loose control- Pita ji keeps me at His Charan Kamal, regardless, and something within me keeps me so grounded. And this is Just AMAZING! I've not been biting my nails or feeling anxious, despite the opposition or hurdles that I am encountering in my way.
And that is a huge change for me, who was a compulsive nail biter & had crazy panic attacks, and so much fear of opening up to Guru Ji's grace, despite so much love that Pita Ji has constantly been bestowing upon me. Now I haven't had a single moment where I broke down and said that maybe I'm not made for Sikhi, I haven't had a single moment where I wanted to quit. I actually want to live at Pita Ji's charan Kamal (holy feet). I actually wanna practice Sikhi in every breath I've got, in death and even beyond that.
That to me is the power of Pritham Bhagauti. That is the power of being Pita Ji's kids, and it is in all of humanity.
One thing I've learnt recently also, is that we all have the potential to go to SachKhand. Pita Ji paved a REALISTIC path for us- Sikhi is so real, we all can get THERE (wherever you wanna get- with your life). We all have the potential to attain the Kirpa of Pita Ji and that we all have the Light of God within us, regardless of who we are, what we've done and so on. So basically we have God and the Guru (Pita Ji) within us! So please, never underestimate anyone, always just embrace everyone and embrace yourself, just the way you are- but open up- open yourself up to everything- blossom, learn, grow, embrace whatever comes to you- filter what you wanna keep and be true to it, to yourself, to your existence; for you exist, to do something here- and that can only happen if you open up.
I think part of Pritham Bhagauti is just staying positive, doesn't it feel like that? Not letting the negative influence take over your mind??? I feel like Guru Ji was preparing me for this day of Kirpa- all along, for I was always positive, for the most part and even though I was weak inside, I always knew things will work out.
Anyways, enough of self- praise now ;)
http://www.sikhnet.com/audio/sada-jai-bhagauti
I am looking for Shabads that have to do with Bhagauti- AND there are soooo many, especially in the Dasam Guru Granth Sahib Ji- I don't know what to pick, but the first pauri of the Ardaas is one one you recite everyday. so I'll leave you with that, today =)
ੴ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਹ ॥
The Lord is one and the Victory is of the Lord.
ਸ੍ਰੀ ਭਗਉਤੀ ਜੀ ਸਹਾਇ ॥
May SRI BHAGAUTI JI (The Sword) be Helpful.
ਵਾਰ ਸ੍ਰੀ ਭਗਉਤੀ ਜੀ ਕੀ ॥ ਪਾਤਸਾਹੀ ੧੦ ॥
The Heroic Poem of Sri Bhagauti Ji. (By) Th Tenth Kingg (Guru).
ਪ੍ਰਿਥਮ ਭਗੌਤੀ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਕੈ ਗੁਰੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਲਈਂ ਧਿਆਇ ॥
In the beginning I remember Bhagauti, the Lord (Whose symbol is the sword and then I remember Guru Nanak.
ਫਿਰ ਅੰਗਦ ਗੁਰ ਤੇ ਅਮਰਦਾਸੁ ਰਾਮਦਾਸੈ ਹੋਈਂ ਸਹਾਇ ॥
Then I remember Guru Arjan, Guru Amar Das and Guru Ram Das, may they be helpful to me.
ਅਰਜਨ ਹਰਿਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਨੋ ਸਿਮਰੌ ਸ੍ਰੀ ਹਰਿਰਾਇ ॥
Then I remember Guru Arjan, Guru Hargobind and Guru Har Rai.
ਸ੍ਰੀ ਹਰਿ ਕਿਸ਼ਨ ਧਿਆਈਐ ਜਿਸ ਡਿਠੇ ਸਭਿ ਦੁਖਿ ਜਾਇ ॥
(After them) I remember Guru Har Kishan, by whose sight all the sufferings vanish.
ਤੇਗ ਬਹਾਦਰ ਸਿਮਰਿਐ ਘਰ ਨਉ ਨਿਧਿ ਆਵੈ ਧਾਇ ॥
Then I do remember Guru Tegh Bahadur, though whose Grace the nine treasures come running to my house.
ਸਭ ਥਾਈਂ ਹੋਇ ਸਹਾਇ ॥੧॥
May they be helpful to me everywhere.1.
Vaheguru <3 Remember to meditate on the Ardaas (& Simran & Nitnem), don't just say it because it is the protocol of the GuruGhar- mean it, if you are like me, imagine it...like imagine Sri Har Krishan, eradicating our bodily plague, when thinking of Him- Jis Dithey Sab Dukh Jaaye <3
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh =)
Have a good weekend soul-sisters,
May we all realize the power of Pritham Bhagauti, and experience spiritual strength, our spiritual integrity regardless of our social & physical environments <3
Dhan Dhan our Pita Ji Maharaaj- Nanak Guru Gobind Singh Ji Pooran Gur Avtaar <3
Dhan Dhan our Khasam Sri Akaal Purakh Ji Maharaaj Sri Waheguru <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji maharaaj-
Sri Aad Darbar Ji, Sri Dasam Darbaar Ji, Sri SarsbhLoh Darbaar Ji!!!
*Love & Light* <3 * Hugs & prayers*
PS. When you see someone in situations you deem tough or bad... recite a Chaupai Sahib for them, when you feel that OMG I wish I am never put in their shoes & if you cannot really do much to help them, instead of talking about them to 50 other people, just talk to Pita Ji- Do a quick Ardaas for them. It'll make your day =) I promise =) Oh but try and help them too- unless there's nothing you can do..
OMG I'm soooooooooo wordy- I didn't mean to write such a long post- I apologize =P
