Gur Parsaad

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

I am a bit late for this but:
Happy New Year to all my super beloved readers! Thank you all for the support and love I've found in you, and through you. Each time somebody stops by and reads my scribbles or leaves me a comment, it really really means a lot to me and it really does help me as well. Plus, like I always say, I am a not so motivated toddler on this path, and so your support helps me... it helps me in many ways to keep going. *Hugs and Thank You..s!*

While it was packing up (late December), to leave us with a new year, 2010 taught me a few things that are worth mentioning! And here we go:

ONE
I figured a very good way of motivating myself each day to step up firmly towards my True Guru. So here's the deal, only simple & attainable realistic goals, as in baby steps, because I now know for sure that I only aim at the Guru Charan (Holy Feet of the Guru), not so much else for this life. Basically, recently, I have started feeling disappointed, instead of guilty about having missed my Rehet (Sikh Lifestyle) if I at all did. Partially because I have learnt and accepted that we as humans have no ability to make good decisions towards God, it is the God and the Guru who bless you with faith and make you a "good" sikh, so, the bottom line is, everything thats 'good' about me, can only ever happen by GurParsaad (by the Gurus will and His grace)....
So, here's what I found really works for me: Early morning, as soon as I get up, reading the Daily Hukamnama (on www.sikhnet.com/hukam ) in my phone, with the translation and downloading the English Explaination to it by Sukha Singh (I love British accent LOL, but seriously more than that I love my Gurus Hukam and the fact that it is explained in detail and in a language I actually can understand well... So Grateful for that!). It just starts my day right, and I get up thinking about my Isht (Gurbani word for Love for the Guru) and I open my eyes eagerly waiting to see what Guru jee wants to tell me, and the cool part is, it always pertains to me, in the situation and mindset I am in... and then I go on with my day, even if I have to rush to work / school and can only listen to the 5 Bania da Nitnem on my phone music player, and not do it like I'd like to, I feel like I am in the right consciousness...
And, about good goals that are attainable and realistic, with the help of a friend, I've figured that the best goal at this point is making sure I do my evening Nitnem every single day nicely, reading from the Gutka Sahib, ratehr than trying to make it all work and end up disappointed... baby steps to the next rung of the ladder. It seems that I've started feeling bad about just listening to Nitnem and not doing an ardaas and making it real (full of feeling every word I hear/ read), so here's how I am making changes to make myself feel better about it all...
So far, it works, feels great! I feel like I can manage this goal, its like 1 bite at a time, and so, once I attain perfect regularity and sincerity by the evening Nitnem, I will be able to make a sincere effort for the Morning Nitnem as well, and I just want to make it more legit and sincere via doing it properly (sit and read with love in your heart kinda thing), I will certainly be able to, if GurParsaad happens! Plus doing an Ardaas each day, makes you closer to Guru jee, just by getting to have that dialogue with Him and crying for Rehet and regularity & sincerity in Nitnem.... Besides, I know Guru Jee will never ever ever ever ever let go of me... He will never let me fall off this cliff......... Right! 

TWO
One day, I found myself being tempted by what I'd call "thought crime", basically I was letting myself loose and letting my vakars (the Gurbani word for the 5 vices- Ego, Desire, Attachment, Anger, greed) corrupt my mind. Basically, I get up in desires, and it ends up putting me in the lap of Maaya (Sources of Detachment from God) and lets face it, Maaya just plain and simple hurts. It hurts the crap out of me... It makes me feel like a failure in being my Gurus Daughter and Akaal Purakhs (God) Soul Bride. I feel like a deceitful bride, who goes out and looks at others, while leaving behind the Ultimate Man ever- the Akaal (One Immortal, Supreme). I don't know! Wow, simply put, it leads me to a path that I know is gonna get me in shit....(LOL).
So, once again, during my Kirtan Sohila one night, I was too distracted, and the thought sprung in my mind:
My bliss is in my Gurus Charan, there is no reason for me to take refuge in maaya to attain my bliss, for one, the bliss reached via maaya is super temporary & when it ends it only throws you down... it lasts just a few seconds, and results in disappointments and guilt for longer than the brief time of bliss... But the feeling of bliss, attained by simple things like one session of Sangat or one time of Nitnem almost lasts forever, I can still recall the days when I successfully completed my Nitnem and feel the same bliss in my heart and mind as I recall... and heres Maaya and the corrupted mind, with nothing good to offer, just the temporary pleasure together with endless pain... How does it ever compare to the Bliss in Guru Charan as the Gurus Suhagan (Soul Bride who is completely colored in His Love, immersed in the constant Prema Bhagti- worship of her true love)... ??? How can it ever beat the bliss at my Guru's charan?

See, when I started in this path (and maybe even remotely till this day), I was/ am the most skeptic person. It is like, I started with those moments of bliss I experienced when I went to Sangat (the Gurudwara) 'just to check it out', to make sure my baby brother was safe in his newest addiction... the bliss that I felt when I first let the sound of Kirtan penetrate into my ears, and cried uncontrollably for no reason at all, and just took a flight to 'who I'd want to see myself as...' in those moments and felt something... I needed to take Amrit, even though, I knew I was gonna fail miserably at keeping the Rehet (Sikh Code of Conduct), I knew nothing buddy.... but I guess what I knew was that those tears had a reason and that I had to make myself believe... I am still a skeptic, but after a year and a half, I think I am closer to the door of this prison of Skepticism, I am about to be released, I have started contemplating the freedom at the Guru's charan, despite the fact that so far, I was just tricking myself into believing that there is such thing as the Guru and the God... because I was so desperate for that Bliss, I was seeking to find those few moments again and again, still stably sitting in the prison of my disbelief and faithlessness. And now, I am ready.... ready to start taking steps towards the Guru and not just those moments of 'free cheese'- that pure bliss, that pure immersion, that pure surrender... and maybe even those tears.... tears that express pain for being the Duhagan (deceitful soul bride who is detached from Her Akaal Love). I think, if you've been reading my blog, you know that tears are probably the one thing that connect me to Guru jee and all my Gurus love stories start with teary moments... Now you know why? because these were my drive towards this path along with the bliss in Kirtan, somehow these are my connection, I am aware that this is all the more ridiculous sounding, but its the truth, despite all the disbelief and skepticism....
 I so want to start trying, believing and taking discrete steps towards my Guru and the Akaal Purakh Waheguru ....
This realization as well, comes from the Guru Kirpa, His grace and His blessing... Gur Parsaad

Love and Light

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh...

Alright! so, I took some pictures during the holidays that I guess I could share

Oooohhh that Salad Man, I think I'm a salad lover, you know in vegetable salads, I like cranberries and in these ones with beans and peas, I like peanuts and Banana Chips, I dunno would that make me crazy??? BTW, this was my Christmas Lunch LOL! I know you spat that word out- Man I'm not a loner, I just like to not party on the days when I am working my butt off as an Elf for the company I work at! For Promotions and advertising reasons, I was busy the entire holiday season making and sending out greetings from the company to all clients and literally the entire city LOL, so yeah, don't you call me a loner ='(

I guess, even the pea loves the Olive, LOL so why can't I love Guru jee so much to be stuck in His charan !?!                                                             Okay, so seriously, the peas have some sort of static attraction to olives, I'm serious, check it out for yourself.... don't laugh at my miserable caption, its okay, I know I don't have the creativity for fun humor or better analogies for that matter... or maybe I do.... well, you'll soon find out!

 Okay, now here's the one that the Hospital might fire me for! LOL, I took a broken X-mas tree ornament, and clicked this against the tree in depth of field, but guess what, that was totally unprofessional at work Plus I realized later that I might be on camera, doing my Photoshoot of the tree (No, do NOT call me a Loser dude/ doodle) .... Passionate souls forget the rules! LOL!!! Okay so that was a bit of humor after the tears!

                                         ByTheWay, DO NOT FORGET TO HAVE FUN in 2011!
                                                                                   <3