Sunday, June 13, 2010

~_~

I've been singing Japji Sahib in a slow cool kinda tune, for myself, all day!I love it....
It helps me think about the words and the meanings of each line.....
I use it almost as like a mental checklist (especially, where Guru jee tells about those who sing- 'pauree with gavey', those who hear- 'pauree that talks about Syniyeya and those who apply it all in their lives - 'manniya pauree' )..... Akaal Purakh is beautiful, He is totally a ball of beautiful energy, light and I guess a pure blessing.....
I actually see that the Suniye part is applicable to my life.... I am slow... but I am in bliss, because of His name.... even though I can't walk on this path perfectly yet....I know that my Heavenly father is there for me, holding my finger and teaching me how to walk....
=) Isn't He just pure love....
Last night I was really tired and after my Kirtan Sohila, I said to Guru jee in an ardass that I wish He was something like a Genie, who I could call, and physically feel..... I wanted to hug Guru jee.... in real.... hahaha
I know I'm such a kid....but really, if Guru jee could just be a super hug-able physical thing....I'd show him in real How much I love having Him in my life....
Hahaha!

Yesterday, I went to a friends Birthday get together at her house, actually, her family is surprisingly just like mine (of course if I include my entire extended family though).... I guess this was kinda what I needed here at this point, apparently, she and her siblings too, faced opposition and resistance of their family back in the day when they came into Sikhi..... but being a part of her lil get together, just showed me that one day we (me & my lil brother) will be accepted with all that we wanna bring to the table, and that I will not have to be the rebel all my life.... and it did put up this point in my head that this resistance should not stop me...it should make me stronger~
but the one thing I know is that only Guru jee can determine what will happen in the future.... I'll let Him put up with that!

Anyways,
I had another experience yesterday, worth sharing....
I've been sobered in terms of my teen-age crushes and stuff, ever since I took Amrit.... In fact, I always, (especially when I was a teen) had a great Will  Power, and I always knew that I should never ask for the tickets of a train I don't need to catch quite yet....
I am really strong in that sense, I know what I want, or probably, its just that I am really career oriented and ambitious, I know that I will not step into a relationship, without settling down professionally, as an Emergency Surgeon, which will take at least 8 more years, and I am 21 as of this coming july...
but sometimes I imagine my Prince Charming (so to say...haha) and really, I closed my eyes last night, when I was super tired, in the car, coming back from my friends get together....and I felt my my guy....hahaha, totally random timing.... Silly me! But what was worth sharing was the next part- So, I quickly opened my eyes, and tears rolled down my cheeks, my conscience (or just my inside sound) said to me that "this is not right for a Sikh" (I was like "eh tenu Shobha nahi denda") - even though, I just felt that he'd be a super caring guy- nothing like a bad thing...... then why did those tears roll down? I did have that taste of guilt ... I don't see a real reason..... So... is it wrong for a Sikh to imagine  their future life partner ... ?
I feel so....maybe because I always did, even when I was not quite a Sikh.... I guess this feeling has something to do with my Career Ambitions....maybe it was the other priorities that over shadow deeper feelings, maybe it is the people I admire now, compared to back in the day, maybe it is the fact that A Sikh is expected to be a disciplined Sant-Sipahi, maybe it is just that Guru jee doesn't want me to think about all this yet.... I just need to see my goal.....
What it is, doesn't bug me.... but I am aware that there is something....
hahaha! But really, I'm being such a kid!

Alright!
Take Care!
Love and light
Thanks for reading my Journal... =)
Thanks for being a part of my life ... my experiences!

1 comment:

  1. I don't think being a soldier-saint rules out being sensitive or having feelings. :D I think knowing yourself is the only way to live in truth and strength so I wouldn't worry too much about feeling things. If feeling makes you sad, maybe it's something you need to open up to more? Just exploring, acting on a feeling is quite another thing :D. But it's helpful to know what one feels and why, sometimes - to have the full perspective, not only the intellectual picture. Take care and work on sleeping more! :)

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