"He's got our back, He's got it!"

Over the past 6 months or so, my faith in Guru Ji's Charan Kamal,  has solidified, I’ve hopefully, broken into the surface… I’ve been training my mind to deal with Anxiety in a different way. I have a bit of a panic issue- I also get very scared of 'the unknown'… 

I’ve trained my mind to say “He’s got my back”….”Kiddo, He’ll handle it”…”Shush! He has got it…”. Interestingly, I was put to test today…..

Firstly, Had a great morning Simran, followed by Nitnem in an Amrit Vela Event in our Sangat (What a blessing!). I was actually deeply in a meditative state of mind today, which is always refreshing & hard to find all the time. Oh AND Being able to do Chaur Sahib seva is a such a blessing! Its such a perfect excuse to go up to guru ji and meditate unto Him and His physical saroop, if you are someone who cannot quite read The Gurbani, I feel this is an anchoring experience (My first meditative connection with Guru Ji was via Chaur Sahib Seva). I feel one with Guru Ji and His Sangat if I can meditate unto His Charan Kamal in the Darbaar, which has only happened the few times that I have been blessed with this seva. [Reminds me, one of my brother friends initially used to think that I stole that seva from everyone- I guess they called me Chaur-whore or something- I'd be offended if they said that on my face..but oh well! Something I lol about now!] 

… While I had the chance this morning, I had a teary moment when I felt like my Pita Ji Maharaaj held me by the hand and taught me how to walk- He walked me into this Path, He walked me into His Darbaar ! He walked me into His Sharan, … & I know that He shall never let go of me…It is such a sweet feeling a rare blessing- feeling the Guru in His aasan! I’ve had this chance a few times- and If I am really in the spirit of it- I’ve meditated and felt the most blissful Human Experience!

Should I tell you something Interesting ? I’ve heard someone say that when Guru Ji is in the Darbaar unattended, there’s always Shaheedi Faujaa(n) / Shaheed Singhs Doing Chaur Sahib Seva! Cool Isn’t it?  well, back to the story:

Then I got back home and had a bit of a chat with my mom about our business & some official stuff. Then I cleaned my room [while listening to Sukhmani Sahib, Asa Ki Vaar and various banis], after last semester (3 months), it was a real mess (w/ dirt allergies told me it needed a thorough cleaning LOL)

Then, I have at least 5 different projects (work & school) due tomorrow or the day after + I had my hospital volunteer shift tonight. I was panicking- and told myself out loud, “He’s got it”.

Then, Gosh! Dad called and I was told to stay at home, Mom had an accident and he got a call, but no one knows where she is, they’ve taken her to some hospital…

So for a while, I tried to keep myself together, but ‘fear of the unknown’ surrounded me and I had all sorts of scary thoughts- listened to Sukhmani Sahib (& cried a bit)- told myself, “He has got our back”.

Me and dee (my older sister) called dad, found out that they found mom, she’s in some hospital in Downtown, and she has injuries….. but my dad didn’t tell much more… 

(Gur Kirpa Thank you Guru Ji!!!)

We are both so scared, but I know that Guru Ji has our back…. The real challenge though is something I’ve never confided in ANYONE- we are not a very ‘super’ family. We are quite distorted on our concepts of Love- all of us, including my parents and my younger brother- we’re like a unit, in need but a bit of a random mess at other times- struggling for power, money and independence on our own accords. (Like for example, me & my brother revolt & rebel for being able to practice Sikhi, I still fight for Dastaar… I am also financially independent for the most part- partly b/c I don’t want to bother them since we are kinda establishing ourselves here & partly b/c I am a rebel, my mom & dad are love birds most of the time and argue as if they don’t even care about each other sometimes…) 

This is the first time that we are alone (without our extended families, relatives, grandparents) in another country, that we have a bigger than usual situation to face together as a family- we’ve had other things, (since we moved to Canada) issues like moving, buying a house, getting a business started, illnesses, etc, but not something scary & sudden like this. At this point I don’t know what exactly is going on, but I know that my daddy loves my mommy and that we all love them both… But through this challenge, we shall walk out in grace together, as one happy family.

I am scared…. But I know “He’s Got it!”

I just wish deep inside that my granny was here- but oh well Guru ji’s here, and He is still gonna keep us all together!

A part of the day was very uncanny- as a child I had a phobia around loosing my loved ones. I had terrible dreams. I’ve long recovered from that- but I was so scared that this fear came back at me- and now that I have Guru Ji in my life, it was different- Chaupai Sahib & Sukhmani Sahib, instead of crying and panicking myself all the more to terror.

Thats why I feel, He’s got our back.

*~* UPDATE:  Ok so now my mother is back home, she's fine, just a little weak, basically the airbags saved her, but also hit her Sternum very hard. And It is all Guru Ji's protection, the car was damaged quite a bit, but
Dhan Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaaj! He saved my sweetheart =)

Thanks for Reading!
Love and Light!

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vahgeuru Ji Ki Fateh =)

*PS. I've been listening to this track (by Snatam Kaur) while doing Home work. It's miraculously soul melting, heart touching & Awesome. Check it out!  http://www.sikhnet.com/audio/guru-ram-das-rakho-seranahi