Showers of Blessings

Hello there!

I apologize, I totally forgot to say something super important in my last post.
Well, I forgot to say that I am not the happiest person in the world at all! That's just how my friends perceive me as, probably because I am bad at sharing sad stuff with others, because I feel that by doing so, I will spread sadness around, and that is, I guess of no use!
Secret: when I am actually sad, I scribble the word HAPPINESS on pieces of paper, endlessly, until I am happy again (Silly me!), or just break down in a long heart felt Ardaas, where I speak like a baby directly to God (and Guru jee) about how I feel and what would I like to see the situation turn out as.
Also, if you actually thought I was a super happy person, I am actually a cry baby! =P

Well, the point is that no one is always happy. Guru jee has given us this life to test us, and Sorrow is a test, it is essential, or else we'd not know how valuable happiness is.... Whacha say? Right, isn't it?
Plus it is not bad to be sad, you gotta see how that feels sometimes! 

Anyways, Today I wanted to talk about something that I am still hesitant to share... probably because I think when you get chances to do seva, and you put the word out there, it might sound like bragging or being proud/ egotistical about it. But What do you guys think? Do you think that if I am telling you how many blessings I've been getting, by getting chances to help people with Disabilities in my University, is my desire to share this, a sign of Ego or pride?
Please let me know, I really wanna know....b/c I can't sense these things easily, partly because I am not quite feeling that way.... I dont know!

Okay, so what I wanted to say, was that I got a few more volunteer / helping out roles through the Centre for Disability services in my University. I help some visually impaired people get to their appointments, and someone with his research. I love talking to them, helping them, escorting them to classes and appointments. And I don't do the greatest job, sometimes, we have to walk up and down the hill to find out where the offices or classes are, and  I make mistakes at finding places. And, so far I seem to be liked, or forgiven, b/c afterall, I am friends with them, before anything else!
A few hours ago, I was replying someones' e-mail and committing to help 'be his eyes' in the library as he does some research for his phil Paper. He wrote in his e-mail, that"I am blind as a bat and I basically need a pair of eyes, do you wanna help out?" and I giggled to myself..... thinking about How blind is a Bat....
But then I was surrounded by a question, "Why would God Shower me with so many blessings, when I least deserve them, especially at a time when I am not even performing my Spiritual duties well, not even staying with Guru jee's feet, not even doing my Nitnem (daily prayers) the way I should be.......
Simran, Why do you wanna help?
and I said that to myself a few times...."
And then My inner voice said,   ".......... mmmm... because I have so many disabilities, so many, the only thing is, you don't ever notice them...."

Isn't that true, I really believe that we all suffer from something or the other, we all have noticeable or non-noticeable disabilities, or sufferings, if I don't have a fever, I have the biggest disease in the world, the "Haumey da rog" meaning Ego disease; if I don't have physical leprosy, I have mental leprosy- which makes me unavailable for seva (Selfless Service of Humanity) ; If my legs work perfectly fine, I have the moral disability, when I refuse to stand up for the rights of others.
If I can see perfectly, I have my minds eyes completely blind- blind to the sorrow of the others, blind to faith, blind to see poverty, blind - completely blind, maybe even blind as a bat- that I just can't see how much I hurt others, when I am mad at them, or how irresponsible I can be, when I let the people I see at the Sky-train Station every day, inject themselves with crap and not do anything about it...
We have so many disabilities, and yet we can not see them, because we choose to keep our 'perfectly working eyes' closed
 

OMG!
I'm sorry if that was egotistical....but I really cried when typing it- I'm glad I did... just putting it down as a Journal entry, makes me think and clear up my thoughts.... Its a really good experience!

****
See I told  you I'm a cry baby!
Okay, so I gotta go study I have my Genetics Midterm Monday morning, soooo scared, not even done half the prep yet!

Love and Light
Hugs =)

Guru Fateh jee!